


Bar Stool Protocol

by LordPocky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-24 09:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordPocky/pseuds/LordPocky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ah, good thing yer here. Got this story bout two real tight skirts. Sit'cher ass down, you're bound by bar stool protocol to listen t every last damn word I got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bar Stool Protocol

"Huh? When'd you git here?" Crowbar asked in a drunken slur. "Nah, don't matter. Your ass is bound by bar stool protocol. Git yerself comf'terble, you gotta listen to every damn word outta my mouth."

See, our sorta boss-lady got dumped real recent. She and Spades Slick had a thing goin' on, but he nabbed hisself a detective and they're bangin'. It was kinda a not real solid thing fer a while, made Snowman real happy that she could still get b'tween 'em, but then....iunno, guess they decided their everlastin' love fer each other or somethin'. Either way, Slick cut Snowman outta the pity-hate throw downs. Guess she was only in it ta screw with Slick's head anyway. Kinda bitch she is, heh.

After that she was angry. Like, ragin' mad. She'd get back ta the mansion and stab Eggs every day.....I mean, no one cares....'was Eggs. She'd either git a clone 'r Stitch'd just sew 'im back up.

Got kinda weird there, though. I mean, we got used ta her ragin' and skirtin' 'round her when she got back from drinkin'....but sudd'nly she started comin' back....smilin'. Now, you gotta understand this here, she don't smile. Snowman aint that kinda broad, she don't pull that cheery shit....but no, she'd come home...sometimes with a big ole grin she tried to force down. Figure that!

Course, our guys aint no dolts, the boys decided ta figure out what had her all happy. Left that one up ta Fin 'n Trace....cept neither those boys ever been the best at tailin' someone that knows their powers. Guess Fin aint as bad as Trace, but that kid never been the sharpest tool in the shed if ya know what I mean.

Anyway, after tryin' ta figure her secret and....well...failin' real bad, Stitch sewed 'em up too. Don't fer th' life a me know what we'd do without Stitch, real useful fella.

After that, what with Fin 'n Trace makin' such a boner, she realized we noticed somethin' was up. Also noticed we were gettin' pretty curious bout her business. Funny enough, made her even happier. Gave her a new reason to beat th' shit outta some 'a our boys. Just the duller ones that don't know ta git outta her way. Stitch was busy after that.

She din't give us any real clues fer a while, then she started bringin' this pretty lil thing over ta the mansion. One thing you gotta know 'bout Snowman is....she don't make friends, she aint that kinda doll. Snowman don't need nobody, never needed Slick, never needed no friends, but this skirt....don't know if she needed her or what....but I'll tell you what, I aint never seen Snowman happier. This sweet lil thing she brought 'round...she seemed like...well...a good girl. She weren't the type ta be hangin' 'round the gang scene. But there she was...head held high goin' through the Felt mansion. Dame had guts, gotta give her that.

I was the only Felt that got a good look at the lil missus, Snowman had me bringin' 'em liquor. The sweet lil lady was a choice bit of calico, great face and great curves....wouldn't ta minded a go at that....but Snowman....man, she could tell I was lookin' at the gal and if looks could kill....

Hell, I wouldn't mind a throw down with Snowman...she aint got them curves her lady friend has, but them legs.....they just go on forever....

....

Oh, right, sorry. Got lost there a sec.

If you'd seen Snowman's legs you'd agree...and out with that dame she was really puttin' on the Ritz.

So anyway, Snowman and her lady friend it so turns out....wouldn't ta figured it if a hadn't t seen it myself, but they were neckin'. I mean, that point Snowman barred me from 'er room, guess they mighta done more after that....

Wouldn't ta minded seein' that neither....

.....

What? Oh, yea. Them dolls, I'll tell you what, they can be tough on the ole noggin.

When'd this all happen? Jus' yesterday actually...Snowman's kitten din't leave till this mornin'. Course, going into what they were up to all night...that could also be hard on the bean. And jus' like before, that gal didn't twitch or bat an eye at walkin' through the Felt mansion....maybe havin' Snowman at her side she knew we weren't to do nothin', maybe that bird just weren't scared.

Heh, you're right. That'd be impossible. I mean....the Felt? Heh heh, gal musta just hid her nerves.

Ah, but that little kitten is comin' back tonight I'm bettin'. Seems Snowman likes her real close....not that I could blame her, with a sweet lil thing like that I wouldn't let 'er roam far either.

"Geezus man, you been a real good list'ner." Crowbar slugged back another swig of skee to finish the glass. "You in t'morrow? Might jes have another real go about them dames." He laughed at the thought and grabbed his hat, plunking it down in place. "Take care yerself, hate ta have no one ta talk to tomorrow."

The Felt stood and strode out the bar, leaving the dead-eyed floor lamp to flicker a dull response.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp....my first attempt at writing these characters, hope Crowbar's drunken rambles proved to amuse :^y


End file.
